Well, Do You Still Love Me Then?
by PizzaAndBeer
Summary: A stress dream in the heat of WW2 pushes Germany's memories as Holy Rome to the surface, most prominently his desire to return to Italy. It's M for a reason, guys. R&R.


**Well, do you still love me then?**

It was Sunday, a day that never marked much devotion in Ludwig. He was too much the solider for there to be any religion in his heart. But he did like the quiet associated with Sunday, now more than ever. With the war dragging on so long and the Allies creeping closer every day, he rarely had anytime alone anymore. His leader had some kind of task in mind for him constantly. He was always having letters from him and occasionally he had to speak to him in person. He found this very distasteful, the man was utterly disgusting and Ludwig was entirely in his power. All he could do was ignore the letters and orders, put them off for as long as possible. The majority was not responsible or even privy to the full scale disaster the Second World War had become, all he wanted was to keep them safe now. He had to keep the people's needs meet, the soldiers whole. He could fix nothing else. There was no glory to be won for Germany any longer. That thought had first brought him great pain, now it was only a sad weight, crushing down on him agonizingly slowly.

But it was Sunday and everyone had left him alone and turned to religion for a moment, even Feliciano had left him in favor of the great Catholic Church. He instead turned to the garden behind his country home. He lay back against a great apple tree and let the warm spring sunshine soak into his bones. He imagined that they were black like the trenches and that maybe enough of this blissful light would bleach them white again.

"_But I don't have enough time" _he realized. "_That would take years and I might not even have this whole day here before I go back to the battle". _

He ended up falling asleep in the sunlight. Feliciano found him there, absolutely still. His golden hair was immaculately groomed and glittering in the noon day sun, his head slumped to the side just a bit. Feliciano was shocked by the weakness of the posture.

"He must be exhausted" the little Italian whispered to himself. He wanted to walk over to him, to lie against his shoulder. But he would not do that. It was fine to do things like that under the guise of it just being his silly nature, being so serious about it would offend the German. Instead he locked all the street entrances to the house, pulled the drapes, and pinned a note the mailbox reading "out on urgent business". He knew it was disloyal to lie to the German government like that. But he was worried about his friend's mind. Ludwig had been growing more and more exhausted. He needed to be left alone, at least for a day.

He went to the kitchen and set about making a large Italian meal. He hadn't eaten well in weeks and he meant to eat as much as possible while they were back in civilization. There was garlic bread, bread with cheese, grilled tomatoes, ravioli with alfredo sauce, and fresh garden salad. He baked potatoes as well and chocolate fudge cake, knowing that Ludwig would like those. He liked to feed him, although it would be better if he didn't constantly think about feeding him with his hands, or his mouth. Ludwig was obviously a normal man, strong and overall masculine. Pretty girls were always coming on to him and he returned their attention. He wouldn't want the kind of affection Feliciano had to offer. He told himself that every day and yet he thought about it more and more. In the back of his mind he replayed the time he had told Ludwig about his first love being another boy, the other man had shut down at once. Later, he had cried about that and about Holy Rome. He was always thinking of Holy Rome late at night, how the war had killed him and how he might be with him again sooner than he had thought. He distracted himself from those dark, sleep-thieving thoughts by looking too closely at the gorgeous man asleep man beside him. He thought about tracing the scars on his arms, about running his tongue up the vein on his neck, about him moaning. He usually had to excuse himself to the bathroom, or whatever passed for a bathroom in the war zone, then. He was embarrassed by his urges. Still, he didn't dare sleep alone. He wanted all the time he could have with Ludwig. What if the German was gone like Holy Rome soon and Feliciano had neglected that last night next to him, the thought was unbearable.

In the garden, Ludwig had fallen into his usual battle dreams. He was in the thick of the front. The smoke was too heavy for him to see. All he could do was run like a coward. He knew death was moments away, grenades burst all around and bullets whizzed by his head. The ground was too soft below his feet and he refused to think that it might be his fellow countrymen. Their agonized screams and battle cries echoed all around. Then suddenly they stopped, smoke clearing away with them. A sword came down then, long and broad. It cut into his shoulder. When he looked down at the wound his arm was not long enough. He was but a child. The flags flying around him were wrong too, they were flags of Holy Rome. He knew them from Gilbert's lessons. His tiny body quickly lost the ability to move. He was passing out.

"Holy Rome! Kid!" he heard someone shout. They were shoving on his good shoulder, smacking his face.

"I'm Holy Rome!" he realized as the darkness grew deeper. The fear was all consuming. He was supposed to be going back to someone. He couldn't die now. Then he was awake in the garden, sweat streaming down his forehead, hands shaking.

"It's true" he said quietly, thinking back his childhood with Gilbert. All of that his brother had time spent on the history of the Holy Roman Empire, much more time than the other nations. Ludwig had thought it was because Holy Rome had been such a splendid empire. Then there was the fact that he could not remember ever being as small as he was in that dream Gilbert had always said his empty memory was due to a childhood injury. Ludwig had guessed that the silly man had probably dropped him. But suddenly, he knew better. The memories played across his mind in a vibrant flash. He had been a child in the home of Austria, cared for by Hungary, and a great admirer of lady Italy. Italy had tried to teach him to draw. He had been in love with Italy. He promised her he would come back. Italy had kissed him!

_But Italy has never been a girl! _He thought, confused. Immediately, he thought of an old oil painting Feliciano had in his home. It was of him and his brother Romano, dressed as little girls. Feliciano was wearing the same dress in his memories. Shock was flooding his system. He leaned forward, supporting his head in his hands. His whole body was shaking.

"_I had a first love, but he another boy" _He remembered Feliciano saying. It was too much. Feliciano had truly loved him once and Ludwig had returned that affection. It was true he sometimes found men attractive, the little Italian included, but he had always passed that off as a jealously of men who were more refined than him. Feliciano was so soft, sweet, and genuine. People just gravitated to him. Ludwig had never been any of that and now his whole country was just wholly dark and dishonest. He had thought he only envied Feliciano.

Back in the kitchen, the little Italian had carefully set the table and was trying to choose the better of the only two wines he had come across in the local market. He took a bite of ravioli, and then sipped the first one. It made the after-taste a bit sour. The other was a bit spicy. He opted for watering down the sour one. He didn't like to alter wine, but he wasn't going to let the poor German wine selection ruin his meal.

He was measuring out careful amounts of water, when Ludwig burst through the kitchen door looking as if he'd just been in the heat of combat. He opened his mouth to speak, but then just closed it again. He was clinging so tightly to the door frame his knuckles grew white. Feliciano had never even remotely seen him like this. Wordlessly, he placed his hand on the other man's arm waiting for him to explain.

_The Allies are here. _He thought. _This is it, we're done for. _

"I don't…I need you…I'm sorry…" Ludwig stammered.

"Their here, aren't they? We've lost. We'll be destroyed just like Holy Rome" Italy said quietly, the horror of it fully gripping him. Tears were brimming in his eyes. He looked away from Ludwig in shame. When he felt the other man's hand cup his jaw and turn his face up, Delicious shivers ran down his spine. They were quelled when he saw that Ludwig had tears in his eyes as well.

"No, Feli. That's not it…" Ludwig began. Blood rushed to Feliciano's face.

"You called me Feli!" he said, shocked.

Ludwig started to speak again, but then he drew his mouth into a hard line instead. His eyes took on that determined look, Feliciano was used to. Before the little Italian knew what was happening, he had been pulled around and shoved back against the doorway. Ludwig's right hand was on his hip, his left tangled in his hair, his knee shoved between his legs. The German's face was so close that Feliciano could feel his breath. Ludwig had never been the one to bring them this close together before. Feliciano wanted to ask what was going on, but it was as if his breath had dried up in his throat.

"Feli, listen to me" Ludwig said in an intoxicatingly breathy voice. "Your first love, the boy you told me about, he looked a lot like me didn't he? Like he could be my child"?

"Yes" Feliciano managed to gasp. He had never thought about it like that before. But it was all true.

"I'm Holy Rome, Feli. I had forgotten. It's come back to me" Ludwig barley mumbled. Feliciano got the feeling he knew he sounded crazy. He wanted to question his logic, to tell him Holy Rome had died. But it was such a lovely idea and he was starved for a lovely idea.

"Well, do you still love me then?" He whispered, looking at Ludwig's chest rather than his face. He clinched his hand in the German's black tank top.

Ludwig jerked his face up by his hair and forcefully attacked his lips. Feliciano felt faint from joy. He returned the kiss gently, pulling Ludwig closer to him. The German bite his lip and he gasped, providing him with access to stick his tongue inside. One of Ludwig's hands found its way under his ass. He scooped him off the floor and they fell onto the nearby couch without breaking the kiss. He pulled away then, positioning himself so that he was on all fours above him. His ocean blue eyes were just as serious as they were in the heat of battle.

"I loved you even before I remembered, now I can't possibly stop myself from touching you" He explained, his rough skinned hand cupping Feliciano's cheek. Feliciano was crying now, it was too perfect. Ludwig's lips kissed away the tears and Feliciano moaned audibly at the gesture.

"So beautiful" Ludwig complemented him. He was kissing his neck then, unbuttoning his simple white shirt, pulling on his brown hair. Heat was rushing through Feliciano's body like he had never felt before.

"_So this is what real love feels like" _The little Italian thought blissfully. He slid his hands under Ludwig's tank top, clinging as tightly as he could to his back. His nails were digging into the skin.

"I like that" the German muttered.

"I like it all" Feliciano breathed wantonly.

"Then I'll just have to provide you more" the German teased.

Ludwig pulled away quickly, jerking the tank top over his head. Feliciano was too embarrassed to look directly. He threw his left arm over his face and peaked from beneath. Ludwig smiled brilliantly at that.

"It won't do" the German murmured, slipping off his belt. He pulled Feliciano up, again using his hair. It was a bit painful, but Feliciano was too exhilarated to really focus on it. He didn't notice Ludwig was binding his hands behind his back with the belt until it had already happened.

"Um, Lud…" he tried to protest. He was silenced by a finger over his lips.

"Don't question you captain, Feli" he said in tone heavy with authority. This was all too much, Feliciano thought he might get off before they even really got started.

"Never" he replied shakily.

Ludwig's replying smile was even fuller than the last. He made short work of Feliciano's pants, socks and shoes. He was left naked then, with the exception of the open dress shirt held in place by the leather belt. Feliciano was suddenly conscious of brightly lite the room was. He looked away in embarrassment. It was one thing to run around half dressed in the dark, but this was very different.

"Adorable lady Italy" Ludwig murmured, brushing Feliciano's hair behind his ear. Italy was confused by the statement.

All thoughts were quickly wiped away by the warmth enveloping his length. He looked down in shock to see Ludwig's mouth wrapped around him, his ever fierce blue eyes looking right at him. He lay back exasperated and unable to control himself in the rush of pleasure. He wanted to grip something, to try to control the erratic twitching of his hips. He soon discovered that he could not move against Ludwig's iron grip on his waste, regardless. He was making it plain that he was in charge here. Feliciano came in matter of moments. When he looked up, he saw that Ludwig had allowed him to coat his chest. He was wiping it away calmly now, coating his right hand with it. Feliciano looked quickly away again. He just couldn't make eye contact; it was like looking into the sun.

Ludwig leaned down over him, using his clean hand to cup his chin and turn his face to him. He kissed Feliciano passionately on the lips, leading him up into a sitting position. He didn't pull away until Feliciano thought he might choke from lack of air. He rose to his feet then, left hand gripped tightly in the belt. He easily flipped Feliciano so that his upper body was leaning over the back of the couch.

It didn't take much of taste of the German's fingers before Feliciano was begging him for more. When the other man was finally inside him, holding Feliciano's length in one hand and the belt with the other, it was moderately painful. But Ludwig did not take his time and it wasn't long before it had dissolved into one of the most rapturous moments of his life. Ludwig came inside him him, the sudden warmth triggering his own end. Ludwig slipped the belt off his arms and they both collapsed into a sweaty heap on the couch. Before he fell into exhaustion, Feliciano noticed that Ludwig had never fully taken off his pants.

Feliciano awoke wildly refreshed. He was covered by a thick wool blanket. The windows were still closed. It took him a moment to comprehend he wasn't awakening from his usual afternoon nap. The soreness of his limbs brought everything rushing back.

"Oh" he said, removing his wrist from under the blanket to inspect it. There was only a slight redness there.

"I wouldn't hurt you too much, Feli" Ludwig murmured.

Feliciano had thought he was alone. He quickly turned to look behind him. Ludwig was standing in the Kitchen doorway, still without his tank top. He was drinking a beer.

"Have you eaten?" Feliciano inquired.

"I was waiting for you" Ludwig replied.

Feliciano thought of feeding him again. He quickly rose and pulled on his pants. He did up the bottom three buttons of his shirt. He wasn't looking at Ludwig; still he knew the other man was watching him. When he did turn, the German was smiling. He had never seen Ludwig smile this much.

Feliciano fixed the two plates, but when he went to sit across the table from Ludwig he was pulled into the German's lap instead. Ludwig speared a fork of ravioli. Then to Feliciano's amazement, he held it up to the little Italian's face.

"Eat" Ludwig whispered in his ear. Feliciano obliged immediately.

He then quickly broke off a small piece of bread, holding it between two fingers and presented it to Ludwig.

"You too" he insisted. Ludwig responded at once, taking much more of Feliciano's finger in his mouth than he needed too. The little Italian shivered in delight.

"I do still love you" Ludwig answered the earlier question a second time.

Feliciano was crying again. Ludwig wiped the tears away with his mouth, then moving leisurely down his neck.

"No, please stop that" Feliciano begged him! "We'll never get to eat".

Ludwig laughed.

* * *

**Author's note**: This is not my first fanfic. It is the first one I ever finished. I promised myself I would never post another one until I had finished it completely! I intend to stand by this in the future. If not, I tend to forget about them and then I don't even really want to restart them. I kinda have to be in the moment, I guess. I wrote this wonderful, 3000 word, pile of smut over four nights. I edited it myself, please try to overlook my minor errors. Also please, leave me a review letting me know what you thought! **It would make me real happy to know that you took the time to read this**, regardless of if you love it or can think of a few things I might have done better. **I love all of my fellow GerIta shippers, even if I've not even met a single one of you!** This is my first gift to you in exchange for all the lovely stories and art works that you have provided me with. Keep shipping those countries, guys!


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